Thursday, 26 April 2012

to the person who found my blog by googling "old people having sex"

Seriously, why would you even want to see that?  Googling Ian's penis is more justifiable. 

Sorry to disappoint you but I do not post photos or videos of naked senior citizens "going forth and multiplying."


The child within.
I'll be gone for a few weeks for I will try to... "find myself."  Try to reconnect with the "child within."  And if you know me in real life,* you'd know this is complete bull and I really have no idea what I'm saying.

*I'm pretty sure you don't but if you do, I suggest you read the notice on the right panel, the one with the mercat.

I'm going to try to stay away from the internet 'cause I have to study for college entrance exams (something I really should've done a month ago but didn't because I am a lazy, unproductive bum) so I could get into a good college and not starve on the streets, hanging only onto half a loaf of stale bread for life.

So I won't be able to read any of your blogs (sad face) or post anything on mine (YAY. Jk.).  BUT I'll try to post something before school starts again in June.


You're all hot, sexy bottles of chilli sauce for finding me funny/ interesting/ not-so-terrible!  (I'm not very good with analogies.)

What do you know!  It's not a toilet.
Here's a cookie for putting up with my terrible jokes.

(Keep laughing at my corny jokes and I might actually give you your hearts' greatest desires.  Toilets.  No need to thank me.) (I'm sorry, I like toilets.  Yes, I need to see a shrink.)

And because I am obsessed with animal porn (which may or may not be illegal in some countries), here's a link to find out your chances of surviving an intense lovemaking session with bigfoot!

And because I love Cup of Team so much 
(Click on the giant ellipses.)

And because people like to Google other people's penises,  I shall post a photo of Josh Hutcherson's (not) penis to get more views!

Look at that sexy sack of sperm cells jawline.

And because I like saying and because, here's a picture of you!
I drawed you guys

Someone should give me this for my birthday.

Lesson for the day: When in Singapore, don't believe signs/notices unless they have "prohibited by law" on them.

See you guys in June!  Or whenever I decide to give up on my future which might not take so long now that I think about it.  I'll miss you guys!

Thursday, 12 April 2012

a post about making choices

Sometimes, in life, we have moments of indecision. Obviously, this occurs when we have two or more difficult, potentially life-changing choices before us.
Potentially life-changing
Potentially life-changing AND difficult

But sometimes, you just have to accept the fact that you are fucked no matter what you do.

No choice

Now let me tell you a story about a girl who had to make a choice.  This choice would've made her life a whole lot better.  She could've found a cure for cancer and air-conditioned the whole world.

She could've been rich.
She could've been happy.

She could've been famous.
Her own wax figure pointing at her other wax figure.

But she fucked up and died.

Thankfully, we aren't this girl.  Thankfully, we aren't male angler fish either. 

Lesson for the day:  Extreme heat intensifies retardation and promotes cannibalism.  

Friday, 6 April 2012

how's your (holy) week?

Jesus just "died" a couple of hours ago and I'm obsessively Googling shirtless photos of Ian Somerhalder.

I'm going to hell.

Off with your clothes!


If I were a guy, I'd totally go gay for him.  ...Well, not really.  But I'd be proud of my girlfriend for cheating on me if it's with him.  Yay morals!



As penance, I thought I'd do something Jesus-related.

So I Googled "shirtless Jesus."

Not exactly what I expected.

I got shirtless photos of a different Jesus.  I didn't think people actually named their kids Jesus. Jesus.

Anyway.  Holy week.

I hate it. 

Okay, not really hate.  I find it... very troublesome.  I see it as a huge blip in my road to happiness.  Imagine happiness to be a land filled with bacon, fried chicken, ribs, and other meat stuff.  Good Friday would be like having a heart disease.

Also, I had to visit seven churches yesterday.  I had to visit SEVEN churches just to pray.  Do you have any idea how hot it was yesterday?  I felt like I was being cooked with the fatty food we're not allowed to eat.  But I guess it wasn't a total loss.  I saw dogs having a threesome yesterday so I guess it's alright.

So here's another photo of Ian.

Damn right you are.

Lesson for the day: Ian is very hot.


Look at his abs.
Again, I'm sorry, God.
That's the lack of meat talking.

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

because nothing ever happens to me when I'm awake, I'll tell you about the illegal stuff I do in my dreams

I am Marie.


Well no, not really. I have arms.


But that's not the point.
This is.
Please laugh.


The point is, I live a double life.
I'm a boring kid with no arms by day.


And a machete-d psychotic murderer in a Mario costume by night.  (Like Zoe Kohler in The Third Deadly Sin. Minus the machete. And the Mario costume. So not really like Zoe Kohler. But she has arms!)
With arms!

These are my friends.

They're not very bright.

We enjoy murdering our teachers.

(Well, no not really. Some of them are actually pretty cool.)

We strike at malls.
Just pretend it looks like one.

We ambush teachers at dressing rooms.

Unfortunately, our teachers always come prepared.

And since my friends aren't very bright (when they show up in my dreams anyway) I end up having to rescue them.

We end up being chased by other teachers around the mall, dangerously jumping from floor to floor to escape their deadly clutches. And because this is my dream, I get to rescue all my friends.

Sadly, we don't get to slay the teachers.

And because I am bi and slightly perverted (and again, because this is my dream)...
^ My girlfriend who doesn't know
we're in a relationship.
( I'm talking about the girl in the Luigi costume. 
Luigi isn't my girlfriend, okay? He's not a girl. )

And so our story ends with Mario and Luigi losing their manhood. 

Also, did you know that people find my blog by Google-ing "cow drawing" and "muscle men naked"?

Lesson for the day: More naked and cow photos = more views. Will convert this blog into a cow porn site.