hooray for 2012.

It is 2012. My heart is filled with joy. Happy New Year to all of you. Here's a New Year card from me.

It's so festive. Yay.

Lesson for the day: You don't really learn anything everyday. No, this is not related.

PS: Just in case some of you didn't notice, I'm being sarcastic. But I'm still going to greet you guys a happy New Year with all the joy I could possibly muster! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

the night gardener (this is another failed attempt at writing a book review, so bear with me)

Yesterday, I read The Night Gardener by George Pelecanos and... I loved it! It's about an unsolved murder case called the Palindrome Murder that brought three policemen back together (not in a cheesy, romantic way) after twenty years.

The book can be divided in 2: the main plot, and the sub plot.

The book could do without the sub plot, but it adds to the sadness in the ending. Which I love!

I'd write down the summary, but my mind is not capable of putting events in order so I'll just give you a link! The summary's a little sketchy and really incomplete... but it's a lot better than what I would've given you! :D

It's a really wonderful and complicated story that makes you think alongside the characters. The beginning might be a little bit boring, but it gets better, I swear.

The book discusses racism, drug dealing and using, and other illegal stuff a lot. The language is a little inappropriate, but then again, maybe that's 'cause I'm 15 and I live in a conservative country.

I'd recommend this book to the ones who are mature enough to not jack off at the mention of sex and everytime someone gets laid. 'Cause that happens a lot. It ain't for them weak-hearted peeps who shrivel at the mention of "fuck" or "penis." (Haha. I'm so street authentic.) Also, don't go hatin' on the book just because of how flagrant the racism is. THAT'S THE REAL WORLD, PEOPLE.

And since I absolutely suck at writing book reviews and I don't know what else to say, I'll quote some of my favourite lines!

"At one time that girl was a baby that someone held and sang to at night."
"If you say so."
"And look where she is now. Not that I blame her for giving her love to a man. You know, devoting all my time to my sons and this job, it's easy for people to forget that I'm still a woman. Even a Christian woman like me, well, every once in a while, I have the need for some penis."
"For real?"
"This Dominique Lyons fella, though, he must have one special penis. I'm talkin about the kind of penis that could make a girl dance naked in a bar and give up her hard-earned money to him at the end of the night. The kind of penis that could make her prostitute herself in a roach-infested crib with no furniture or food or drink, and make her feel like a  loyal queen. I'm sayin, that must be one extraordinary penis."
"Okay."
"Gus?" Rhonda Willis turns the key on the ford. "I do not need that kind of penis."
(p. 171-172)


"Well, we didn't exactly say we'd stay out of it."
"Did he ask a question? I was just nodding my head to the music."
"So was I."
"Want another beer?"
(p. 237)


"Trick-ass bitch ain't said nary a word yet," said Antonelli.
"I love it when you talk like that, Tony," said Green. "It's so street authentic."
(p. 274)


"Damn."
"That's your daughter."
"That's not my daughter. That's a seven-year-old chastity belt."
(p. ???)


And that's it for today's horrible book review! This is a lot of work so be thankful 'cause there's a big chance that this is the one I'll ever write!



Lesson for the day: Never give your children palindromic names.

old people having sex is not what you want your readers to remember after the last page of your book (the notebook: a suckish book review)

So! It's Christmas break and I can finally read all the books I borrowed but never had the time for! The first on my list was The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks.

It's about the love story of Allie and Noah and some dude named Lon who fell in love with Allie. But of course, first love isn't supposed to die so Allie and Noah end up together. If you haven't read the book yet, this doesn't really count as a spoiler 'cause it's pretty predictable who ends up with who when you get between the beginning and the middle.

Basically, the book can be divided into 3 parts: 1) The intro. This is just one chapter, showing the current situation of Noah. This part ends when he's about to read The Notebook. 2) Their love story. This is what's written in The Notebook. It makes up, like, a little less than a half of the book. It has a lot of flashbacks and can be a bit confusing if you have a short attention span. It ends where Allie has to make a choice between Noah and Lon. 3) The actual story. Their love story is just a part of the actual story. The actual story is the really sad part of the book. And it ends with, um... I'll get to that later.

Part One

This is just one chapter so there's not really much to say.

Part Two

I'm not good at narrating stuff so I'll just pretend to be Noah and give you a summary of his feelings and stuff.

I'm Noah and I'm in love with this girl named Allie. I met her one summer fourteen years ago and we fell in love and I lost my virginity to her one August evening. Her parents didn't like me but we still met so I assume that's what true love is all about. But then they had to move back to some place she mentioned and I wrote her letters for two years even though she never returned a single one. After two years, I finally accepted that we were over. Except I never really accepted it 'cause I'm still hurting after FOURTEEN YEARS and everything in town hurt me 'cause they brought back memories from that summer FOURTEEN YEARS ago. Normal people would move on from this tragedy, but I choose to never let her go 'cause she was my first love and I'm a lead character in Nicholas Spark's book so that must mean we're meant to be together forever.

He was sitting on his porch when he was thinking about all this stuff. Everything he did reminded him of some joyful memory from years ago and it would hurt him. So ONE SIMPLE ACTION could lead to a ten-page flashback. Then he'll just snap back to reality, unfazed and totally aware of what he was currently doing, while you frantically go back several pages just to connect the events happening at the present time.

While he was thinking about Allie and that summer fourteen years ago, well, what do you know! Allie's doing the same thing miles away! And I'll pretend to be Allie since my narrating skill are crap.

I'm Allie and I'm engaged to a big-time lawyer named Lon. My wedding's just a couple of weeks away, but I'll go ahead and lie to my fiance and tell him I'm going away for a couple of days to go shopping when I'm really going to see my first love 'cause I'm clearly not over him yet after FOURTEEN FUCKING YEARS and I'm fully aware that my wedding to my future husband is just around the corner. Nothing is totally wrong with that. Yes, I could just call or write him, but visiting him and rekindling old flames is much more dramatic! And since we're lead roles in Sparks' book, this doesn't make me a cheating harlot.

They fall in love again--or rather--they realize that they've never stopped loving each other after FOURTEEN YEARS of separation and non-communication. That's logical, right?

They get caught by Allie's mom and it turns out she never really disliked Noah; she just thought he wasn't right for her daughter. (Way to go for making sense, Allie's mom!) And they found out that she hid all of Noah's letters out of concern for her daughter. She gives Allie a wonderful and totally not cliche piece of advice:

FOLLOW YOUR HEART.

So Allie goes all "I love both Noah and Lon and I know they both love me too but I want to walk out of this situation without hurting anyone so I'm choosing Lon 'cause Lon would surely hurt if I choose Noah--not that it wouldn't hurt Noah if I choose Lon, but it sure adds to the drama!--so I'm totally disregarding Noah's feelings 'cause it's for the best though I know it doesn't make sense." And Noah begs her to stay and tells her that she shouldn't try to please others and she should think of herself once in a while and they were adults now, capable of making choices that they couldn't make fourteen years ago. But then she says sorry and drives away to the hotel where Lon was waiting. She considers covering up her puffy eyes with make up but decides there's no hope for that now. She tries to think of something to say to Lon, but it doesn't come to her 'til she sees Lon.

And this is where it ends. Part two, I mean.

Part Three

Oh, hey! They get married after that incident! Then after around 50 years, Allie is diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and Noah with rheumatoid arthritis or something close to that. They're now both living in an elderly home thingy and Allie can't remember a thing about their love. So Noah makes this sweet effort to read their love story everyday to her, hoping that one day, she'll finally remember and recognize him.

This part is really sad and I was crying all the way 'til the last sentence.

I don't want to spoil the sad parts for you, so I'll skip ahead to the somewhat disturbing ending.

My reactions:
Last paragraph - Oh my God that's so sweet! *tears*
Second to the last sentence - They kiss. Erm... okay, I guess.
Last sentence - "And she slowly unbuttons my shirt." HOLY MOTHER FATHER.

I am scarred for life. the ending kinda ruined it for me. They were dying already! You can't have sex when both of you are living your last few days!

Recommendations

Those romantic people should probably read it, but if you like realistic books, you might end up mentally strangling Noah and Allie in the second part 'cause come on. FOURTEEN YEARS? You could've married a Bench model and given birth to 16 beautiful sons by then. (My math seems a bit off.)

Also, if you enjoy tear-jerkers (like me), this is the book for you. Or maybe I'm just really shallow and I easily cry.



Lesson for the day: Do not wear button-downs when living in a nursing home.

i am freeee--oh wait no

We were taking the last exam as the bell rang. While everyone else in the school was rejoicing and declaring "WE'RE FREEEE," us juniors were fretting over the last few pages of our chem exam while screaming at our poor teachers "NO! WTF! FIVE MORE FUCKING MINUTES!"

But, no. Those cruel, heartless bastards did not give us a five minute extension.

Although I did feel a sense of relief when I passed my test papers though half of the last page was blank. No more exams to worry about. No more projects and papers and all-nighters. I can finally sleep at 8pm and wake up at 1pm. I don't need to drown myself in coffee anymore. The imaginary people that work in my brain were all rejoicing and partying already. They were burning down the boxes of paper labelled "school." But then one killjoy worker reminded everyone that we still had to go to school tomorrow for the songfest. And that I still had to go to school on Monday to help with the outreach program stuff lest I face the wrath of our student affairs coordinator. At that moment, I guess every worker in my brain wanted to bludgeon that killjoy employee. Even I wanted to fire him. But I couldn't 'cause he was one of the very few ones that worked to organize my memory (although they're not doing a very good job).

What goes on in my pink, mushy brain.

I was also happy to know that I wasn't the only one who was waiting for our chem teacher to walk through the doors and tell us that "there's something wrong with the choices for the freezing point questions so we're giving that as a bonus happy birthday!" 'cause none of our answers matched any of the choices. But unfortunately, this did not happen.

Headdesk. Yes, I'm running out of photos.

But I guess it's okay 'cause in two days, I am a free woman. Well, not really 'cause I still have to read a stupid book for school if I want to pass third year. *sigh* I am not a fan of Tagalog novels. But I will find a way to make up for this quarter's bad grades. I mean I'll try. But we all know where that gets us.

So anyway, tomorrow is the day that I lose my dignity songfest! I am overjoyed and I simply cannot wait!

Lesson for the day: Colligative is different from Colgate. Christmas does not always equal miracles.

No, this is not related.

on cramming and alarm clocks

Twelve more days 'til Christmas!

...And I'm freaking studying for the exams. And by studying, I actually meant cramming. And by cramming, I meant prepping myself for failure. But, hey, they're all the same so who cares!

Anyway, I was planning on giving you tips on cramming studying for the exams, but all I could come up with was "screw it" and it's not very effective. So instead, I'll just narrate my day and hope that you too had the same experience!

Yesterday, I got home at around 4PM. I ate brain-damaging junk, took out my books and notes, and dumped them on my "desk". (It's the one on the left.) Then I went straight to my laptop to do some "research," promising myself that I'd study later.

Four hours later, I'm still not studying. When I finally saw the time, I panicked and actually tried to study. I laid out my notes and books in front of me and I stared at them for a good ten seconds, trying to figure out what the hell I was supposed to do next. After much pondering, I realized that I was supposed to read them.

I picked up my religion textbook and started to read.

An hour later, I'm finally done! ..doodling on the borders of the page. Crap. I checked the time, cussed, hit myself with the textbook, threw it across the room, and cussed some more. Then I decided that I need a 3-hour power nap to get "in the zone." (Oh, yes I'm cool 'cause I say that.) I set my alarm to midnight and went to bed.

... And woke up at 5:30.

So I was like:

...udge.

I had to study the Commandments, Roman and Byzantine something, Middle Ages, Renaissance, Reformation, Scientific Revolution, Enlightenment period thingy that our teacher failed to teach us, and there's Algebra. I grabbed my studying stuff and desperately tried to cram whatever I could into my brain in 30 minutes.  No, I did not try to eat my notes. *shifty eyes* 

It was hard for me to concentrate with this view:

This is an accurate drawing of the mocking sun and my oh, so supportive alarm clock.
Do not ask me why the white clouds have lightning.

I was crying the whole morning. I bathed in my tears and bathed again while in tears. Not a pretty picture. But I'll show you one anyway.

Every tear's a waterfall

I cried so much that if I drank all my tears, I'd get kidney stones.

When I got my test papers, I considered shoving the papers in my teacher's mouth or jumping out the window. Or shoving them in his mouth then throwing him out the window. (See how violent students can get during exam week?) But I chose the mature choice and kindly asked him to eat the papers and jump out the window on his own will. But of course, I'm lying. I answered the test as calmly as possible. 

And by answered, I meant stared at. 

By the time I got to the last essay question, my mind was already too tired to think. I was supposed to write:

"Hey, sir. My brain is way too cool for this question. And by that, I mean I'm to lazy to think of an answer. But I'm writing this down anyway, hoping that you don't actually read the essays and you grade based on how long the answers look. I hate politics and have no plans on being involved in it 'cause politicians are dumb. I'll just add more words to make this look longer and then you'd give me the 5 points I so deserve for deceiving you my effort. Cheesecakes reindeer sheep antler mountain soup chicken rainbows unicorns."

But then I was too lazy to write it down too. 

Tips on cramming:

1. Don't. But since you're still reading this, it's already probably too late.

2. Eat brain food. Not brain-damaging food. There is a difference.

3. Find meaning in what you do. Just kidding. I meant "Have some motivation." How else are you going to be able to cram all that knowledge in that tiny empty spacious already somewhat full cranium! And who said having a crush on your teacher is a bad thing? Certainly not me! 'Cause that would make me a hypocrite. Anyway.

4. Get a more reliable alarm clock. If you're planning to take a power nap before cramming, at least make sure that your alarm clock isn't evil.

5. Screw it. Can't say 'ya didn't see this coming.

Oh, well. I just hope today won't be a repeat of yesterd... *looks at clock* Crap.

Lesson for the day: Paper is delicious! The Reformation, however, is not.

pros and cons of horrible weather

It's December so that means... it's freaking cold! Oh, and of course Christmas is near. But that's not the point. (Just kidding. I love Christmas!) ... It's cold! Well, not really cold. It's just colder than other months. And since there's less humidity, there are less chances of rain, right? No. The clouds here are bipolar and they bring rain whenever the hell they feel like it. Bastards. Like yesterday. We were supposed to have our songfest, but classes got suspended in the afternoon so they had to move it to next week. I'm not exactly sure if this is a good thing or not. Well, I was able to eat out with my friends so I guess it's sort of a good thing. Anyway.

Reasons the rain makes makes me happy

1. The songfest was moved! We were momentarily spared from the humiliation of singing in front of a hundred parents and professionals.

2. Classes are suspended!

3. After the rain... is a rainbow! Probably.

4. At least it's not a tornado.

5. It's fun to play in the rain and get wet. Even in my uniform.

6. It's like bathing! Minus the soap and clean anti-bacterial stuff which is the main purpose of bathing.

7. It can be a great inspiration for that 7-stanza poem that's due on Monday.

8. Kissing in the rain is extremely cheesy and romantic.

9. The clouds are bipolar so I can always use that unexpected storm as an excuse for not having my homework.

10. It's the perfect opportunity to show off your cute umbrella!

Reasons the rain sucks

1. The songfest was moved. Our suffering is prolonged. We have to practice the song while cramming for a bazillion tests and projects.

2. Classes are suspended. We're going to have to cram all the lessons in one day. Kill me now.

3. After the rain... is still rain! And dark clouds that may or may not signify impending doom.

4. It could possibly lead to a tornado.

5. It is not fun to play in the rain with my bag still attached to my body. Else, I will end up with soggy textbooks and illegible blobs of ink that were once my notes.

6. The rain is 80% pee. Lots of bacteria and gross there.

7. It ruined my 7-stanza poem that I was supposed to pass yesterday.

8. I don't have a boyfriend to kiss in the rain. Seeing people kiss in the rain makes me want to barf out of loneliness. 

9. The clouds are bipolar. One minute, it's sunny, the next, you're helplessly trying to keep your head above the water. 

10. You don't always have an umbrella. Or it can cripple your super cute umbrella.

Bipolar weather:

You're just innocently walking on the sidewalk, then 5 seconds later, you're struggling to keep your feet on the ground (though submerged in garbage and dirty flood water that's probably 80% rat pee) while desperately holding onto your umbrella.

Lesson for the day: Bring an umbrella. Or have mad boat-making skills.

on lies and horrible voices

So! Our tests are in a few days. And to help us prepare for this, our school decided to have a songfest the week before exams! Which happens to be tomorrow. And if there's one thing I've learned from two weeks of practicing while cramming for projects and homework, it's that not everyone's born with a golden voice. Not even silver. 

But let me explain this whole songfest thingy first. This songfest is supposed to be a competition between the classes in each batch. The whole batch is given a piece to practice. Our grumpy music teacher is supposed to teach us the notes and stuff and we're supposed to practice with our classes 'til we perfect the piece and make everyone listening feel like they're surrounded by a choir of angels. Each class is divided into four voices: soprano1 (the highest), soprano2 (melody. lucky bastards), alto1 (low second voice), and alto2 (err, lower than alto1. also, I am in this voice 'cause soprano2 was full).  And these four voices combined are supposed to sound like said choir of angels. Then the judges decide which class performed best and said class wins!

And since we all have better things to do than practice (like school work that count for 50% of our grades), we don't! And it doesn't really help with our situation. So we're all just really preparing ourselves for ultimate humiliation tomorrow. In front of parents, teachers, and professional singers our wonderful school invited to be judges. *shudders*

Since our school prioritizes academics*, instead of practicing tomorrow before the songfest proper, we're having classes! So that means today's the last day for practice and our voices still sound like crap! But at least we learned the value of friendship and teamwork, right? Uh. Yes... that's somewhat right, I guess.

*That's totally why they scheduled the songfest the week before exams. So we can cram our eyes and livers out next week. Hooray! 

Although we didn't really learn anything about friendship or teamwork, we did learn to love our teachers more! Also, we learned never to believe a single compliment that comes out of their mouths. Even though it was meant to motivate us. Nevertheless, we still love them for trying!

When they said "That's great! You're getting better!" with all sincerity, I thought we had a chance at winning. Or at least being declared a runner-up. They made us believe that we sang like this:

That's us in the back, as a choir of angels. Supposedly.

When in reality, we sounded like this:

That's us in the back, proclaiming the apocalypse with lots of out of place sharps and flats.
And yes, that man's ears are bleeding.

A classmate recorded our song and when we heard it, we were expecting something... heavenly. Or something close to that. Well, I guess hell is sorta close to heaven. (Lucifer and God were once buddies, right?) Oh, well. I just hope to still have my dignity after tomorrow. 

To prepare for tomorrow's festivity, I am eating extra sweet oatmeal cookies, high-in-sugar chocolate brownies, and I am currently drowning myself in ice cold water while wallowing in self pity and shame.

Lesson for the day: Teachers are lying calculators.

math never ceases to amaze me and make me say "what the fuck is this shit" (with poems!)

Remember the competition I mentioned in my previous post? Yeah. It was HORRIBLE.

The first round was the elimination round. I thought we were going to work on the questions as a team. Turns out, we would each get a questionnaire then answer it individually. Then they're going to add up our scores and the top 24 teams can move on to the next round. And since I only started training last Thursday, I didn't really learn that many techniques yet. And since I'm only a junior, I have no idea what in the world cosines and sines are. (We haven't discussed it yet.) So our coach told me to just skip the trig questions and just answer the ones I know. Also, I couldn't guess 'cause the test wasn't multiple choice and it's a right-minus-wrong kind of test. I pep talked myself for even just the tiniest bit of confidence. We got to the examination room and we were given instructions. They handed out the questionnaires, face down, and we waited for the signal to start answering. We heard the whistle.

I flipped the questionnaire.

And the world fell apart.

The US sank 500 feet beneath the ocean. The Pacific Ring of Fire exploded. The hungry children in Africa... well, they're still hungry. The building burned down to ashes. Everyone in the room dropped dead and all of my so-called preparation flew out the shattered window of my dreams.

Well, at least that's how I personify the "Easy" question. Oh dear Lord, I cannot wait to get to the "Average" and "Difficult" questions. (Sarcasm hand, anyone?)

Since words are not enough to describe my horrific time in that forsaken examination room, I'll still use words! But with rhyme and measure. (I'm not good at this so bear with me.)

Thirty-eight questions of pure mindfuck

All I could count on was stupid luck

I sat there like an imbecile duck

All I could think of was "what the fuck"

The matron was watching us dying crying solving

With a sneer and silent eyes, mocking.

Instead of solving, I was thinking

Of beating her with a tripod ring

When the whistle came to end our pain

I heard a scream from my poor maimed brain.

Battered and stabbed poked with a pointy cane

Lay before me, my dignity, slain

Exit the room, silent as a mime

My ego's carnage, a heinous crime.

Safe to say, it was not a fun time.

This last line's just for the sake of rhyme

Actually, I had a fun time laughing at myself afterwards. When I finally learned to accept my glorious failure, I gave myself a pat on the back for erroneously guessing answering 4 questions! And that's saying something. Although that probably gave me a negative score. 

While we were waiting for the van that was supposed to take us back to school, I saw a cat sleeping under a car. I stared at it for a little while. Then its foot twitched. Then its leg kicked. Then later, its whole butt was shaking and it looked hilarious. Although I had to suppress my laughter 'cause I'd look crazy laughing by myself.

There's something humorous

In a cat's twitching behind.

To see a sleeping cat convulse

Makes me laugh in my mind.

Because of this cat, I hide

But I am not lost, don't worry.

In the dark recesses of my mind,

You shall find a hysterical me.

Oh! And good news: we're in the top 100!

Because only a hundred teams were competing. Oh yeah.

Lesson for the day: Consider a career in poetry. Or maybe not.

how to act when surrounded by people who are way smarter than you

Today, I attended my first ever math training. It was terrible. There was only one other junior in the training session and the others were all seniors. Seniors terrify me. And I was able to answer a humiliating grand total of... 3 problems! Yay! (Sarcasm hand.)

I learned a lot today. A little on life, a little on jaywalking, and a little on social awkwardness. And I will share with you my new found wisdom on the last one just in case you find yourself in a situation similar to mine. (This is for awkward potatoes like me. But if you are a social butterfly, get the fudge out. Just kidding. I love you.)

I got home with my shame face held at a constant 45 degrees and after a few moments of pondering upon my recent humiliation, I was able to pinpoint exactly what I did wrong. And I've come up with possible solutions for next time! Here are the four most essential things I forgot and I hope you do too. Jk.

1. Notebook. This is just common sense, but my common sense wasn't being common enough at the time so I went ahead and put it on the list anyway. The notebook, I mean. Not the common sense. Although it should be here.

2. Common sense. Common sense. I couldn't emphasize it enough.

3. Pen. This usually goes with number one. Although if you want it stuck up your nose or strewn through your eye sockets, that's fine too. Just make sure you have a pen.

4. Glasses. This is part of the reason I was only able to answer three problems. Those three problems were all I was able to read.

Remembering to bring the above items is NOT the only thing you need to survive training. You need laser vision, 200-lb muscles, Einstein's brain, mind-reading capabilities, and telekinesis. Well, not really. Although they can be useful. But since we do not possess said powers, we should probably just stick to surviving the session with minimal embarrassment.

Doodle. The sessions do not always start on time. So instead of awkwardly looking around and listening in on the seniors' inside jokes and R-rated conversations, distract yourself from the fact that you are a loner in this certain group of awesome nerds. Doodle, draw, or pretend to write an awesome poem. Anything goes. But for the love of all that is good, DO NOT JUST STARE AT THEM.

Whisper. Avoid movement. Speak in a volume no higher than a decibel. As much as possible, do not attract seniors' attention. Do not even move if you are within reach. Seniors operate like t-rex. They viciously shred anything that moves.

Now is not the time to try to brag about your math prowess. Do NOT beat them to the answer. Do NOT solve out loud. Do NOT try to participate in the discussion.

Master your yes-I-understand-everything-perfectly face. Seniors' lessons are different and more complex than yours. So when they're discussing the solution to a kind of problem that you've never encountered--the kind that your 15-year-old mind can never comprehend--just nod along like you know exactly what they're talking about even though your mind is thinking "what the fuck is happening?"

Do not be shocked by anything. Yes, I know you can't really stop yourself from being surprised. But you need to. Learn to keep a straight face. Even when everyone already has an answer after just 3 seconds and you're still struggling to decipher the blur of numbers and symbols on the screen 5 feet away from you. Even when the coach tells you you're going to participate in the competition that takes place in two days. Control your shock and eliminate any trace of fear that your face might be showing.

Do not ask for a pen. You are better off pen-less.


Disclaimer: The seniors may or may not be as vicious as I've described them. My terrifying descriptions of said seniors may or may not be because of my senioraphobia or fear of seniors and people.




Lesson for the day: Jaywalking is illegal and dangerous.