Tuesday, 13 December 2011

on cramming and alarm clocks

Twelve more days 'til Christmas!

...And I'm freaking studying for the exams. And by studying, I actually meant cramming. And by cramming, I meant prepping myself for failure. But, hey, they're all the same so who cares!

Anyway, I was planning on giving you tips on cramming studying for the exams, but all I could come up with was "screw it" and it's not very effective. So instead, I'll just narrate my day and hope that you too had the same experience!

Yesterday, I got home at around 4PM. I ate brain-damaging junk, took out my books and notes, and dumped them on my "desk". (It's the one on the left.) Then I went straight to my laptop to do some "research," promising myself that I'd study later.

Four hours later, I'm still not studying. When I finally saw the time, I panicked and actually tried to study. I laid out my notes and books in front of me and I stared at them for a good ten seconds, trying to figure out what the hell I was supposed to do next. After much pondering, I realized that I was supposed to read them.

I picked up my religion textbook and started to read.

An hour later, I'm finally done! ..doodling on the borders of the page. Crap. I checked the time, cussed, hit myself with the textbook, threw it across the room, and cussed some more. Then I decided that I need a 3-hour power nap to get "in the zone." (Oh, yes I'm cool 'cause I say that.) I set my alarm to midnight and went to bed.

... And woke up at 5:30.

So I was like:


I had to study the Commandments, Roman and Byzantine something, Middle Ages, Renaissance, Reformation, Scientific Revolution, Enlightenment period thingy that our teacher failed to teach us, and there's Algebra. I grabbed my studying stuff and desperately tried to cram whatever I could into my brain in 30 minutes.  No, I did not try to eat my notes. *shifty eyes* 

It was hard for me to concentrate with this view:

This is an accurate drawing of the mocking sun and my oh, so supportive alarm clock.
Do not ask me why the white clouds have lightning.

I was crying the whole morning. I bathed in my tears and bathed again while in tears. Not a pretty picture. But I'll show you one anyway.

Every tear's a waterfall

I cried so much that if I drank all my tears, I'd get kidney stones.

When I got my test papers, I considered shoving the papers in my teacher's mouth or jumping out the window. Or shoving them in his mouth then throwing him out the window. (See how violent students can get during exam week?) But I chose the mature choice and kindly asked him to eat the papers and jump out the window on his own will. But of course, I'm lying. I answered the test as calmly as possible. 

And by answered, I meant stared at. 

By the time I got to the last essay question, my mind was already too tired to think. I was supposed to write:

"Hey, sir. My brain is way too cool for this question. And by that, I mean I'm to lazy to think of an answer. But I'm writing this down anyway, hoping that you don't actually read the essays and you grade based on how long the answers look. I hate politics and have no plans on being involved in it 'cause politicians are dumb. I'll just add more words to make this look longer and then you'd give me the 5 points I so deserve for deceiving you my effort. Cheesecakes reindeer sheep antler mountain soup chicken rainbows unicorns."

But then I was too lazy to write it down too. 

Tips on cramming:

1. Don't. But since you're still reading this, it's already probably too late.
2. Eat brain food. Not brain-damaging food. There is a difference.
3. Find meaning in what you do. Just kidding. I meant "Have some motivation." How else are you going to be able to cram all that knowledge in that tiny empty spacious already somewhat full cranium! And who said having a crush on your teacher is a bad thing? Certainly not me! 'Cause that would make me a hypocrite. Anyway.
4. Get a more reliable alarm clock. If you're planning to take a power nap before cramming, at least make sure that your alarm clock isn't evil.
5. Screw it. Can't say 'ya didn't see this coming.

Oh, well. I just hope today won't be a repeat of yesterd... *looks at clock* Crap.

Lesson for the day: Paper is delicious! The Reformation, however, is not.

No comments:

Post a Comment