I'm alive

I'll be quick with this 'cause I still have to do homework and study and stuff.

I'm really really really sorry I haven't read any of your blogs for the past few days! I've been busy with school work and my imaginary love life. I'll stalk your blogs after our finals. I will shower your posts with comments when exams are over. (No, not really BUT I STILL LOVE YOU.)

So here's a video of two chickens having passionate sex.

..Yeah, I'm crazy.

Oh, and I made a twitter Yay. I still don't know how to use it though. You can creep over to my page for signs of life when you're worried that I'm already dead or something. https://twitter.com/#!/jubanyu



Lesson learned: Einstein had first-hand experience at childbirth. Don't ask me how.

this is my lent post

So.. Lent has officially started and I honestly don't care that much. But since I am (supposedly) Christian and I've suffered the itchiness caused by bearing an ash cross on my forehead for a whole day, I felt obliged to at least post something about Lent. And here it is.

Today is Ash Wednesday. It's a Wednesday.. and it's the start of Lent.. and they put an ash cross on your forehead on this day to remind you that you came from ashes and to ashes you will return or something that sounds like that.

The ash cross is very itchy. Sometimes, you forget about its presence and absent-mindedly scratch the itchy spot so that when you look down to see black stuff beneath your nails, you panic and hurriedly look for a mirror to check if your cross still looks like a cross.

...
Okay that was pretty bad. Sorry God. I'm just losing my faith in the Church because of Rizal. After reading his book (Noli Me Tangere), I'm starting to see all religious traditions as scams that help make fat, perverted friars, if possible, even fatter and more perverted.

I'd like to say that I'm giving up internet for Lent... but I'm not that pretentious. It ain't happening, no. And come on. Forty days with no internet. That's like 40 days of existence. 40 days of just existing. Not thinking. Not feeling, not living. And a lot of other nots.

I really should be sleeping right now. I should've been sleeping 5 hours ago. So with this and a quick sorry to God--sorry, God--I end this lame Lent post.



Lesson for the day: Religious occasions are a nice way to avoid having to think of what to post.


OH HEY IGNORE THE DAY WHEN THIS WAS POSTED 'CAUSE 'YA KNOW. I TYPED THIS AT 2AM AND MY SENSE OF TIME WAS TERRIBLY OFF.

how do i earn money?

I've decided to stop stressing about those stupid projects and just be excited for next year because I actually get to choose my elective! (Assuming, of course, that I don't have to repeat third year. I'm just hoping my math grades would be enough to promote me to fourth year.) This is a big thing for my batch because our electives were forced upon us for the past three years and we didn't really enjoy them.

(An elective is an extra class you have to take for God-knows-what. It's supposed to make your high school life fun-er. And by high school life, I meant senior year. And by fun-er, I meant more stressful. But it's still sort of fun I guess.)

We were supposed to pass the list of our top 3 elective choices. Our guidance counselor told us to expect to get in either of the ones we listed but I seriously doubt I'll get into any of mine because bad luck seems to run in the family and my sister didn't get into any of hers when she was a senior.

I was planning on passing this list:

1. Visual Arts
2. Visual Arts
3. Visual Arts

But it was too risky 'cause they were only accepting seven or eight per class. So instead I passed this:

1. Visual Arts
2. Creative Writing and Journalism
3. Basic Psychology

The counselor said she'd be considering the course we're planning to take in college, our interest, and our skill in choosing where to put us. I'm good-ish at art, but I have a feeling I'll end up in Basic Psych 'cause almost everyone knows I'm planning to take Psychology. That's why I made it my third choice. I suck at writing so I made it my second. And of course, I want to take Visual so I made it my first. DEAR LORD PLEASE LET THEM PUT ME IN VISUAL I SWEAR I WON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT THE REQUIREMENTS AND STUFF. I'll probably break that promise next year, and youtube's being an asshole and I can't watch anything right now and this isn't really related but what the hell.

And I just realized how not related to the post title this is. Sorry. I'll get to that.

Even though our school is practicing "simplicity" they're expecting all of us to have our own cameras. (C'mon, people. We live in a third-world country. There are beggars just outside the gate and children are starving in Africa. POVERTY, MAN.) And because my dad is so very not supportive, he won't give me a camera, which I will need for next year (if I get in Visual which I will, right, God? Wink wink.) because we need to pass a photo album for the exhibit and I can't just borrow people's cameras since I'm an accident prone person and their cameras might explode when I touch them. So I'll have to save money to buy my own camera. Which is hard because of my tiny allowance and inflation and world hunger and the increasing crime rate in our street. So this is where the post title comes in: HOW THE FUCK DO I EARN MONEY? And don't tell me to do these:

1. Babysitting. I'm not very good with annoying children. I don't know my way around kitchens so I might accidentally feed the kid dishwashing detergent. There are no babies to sit on here.
2. Tutoring. Yeah, I'm sorta good at math, but my explanations are more complicated than the ones in the textbook. Also, I'm terrified of teaching people 'cause I might teach them the wrong stuff and they're going to fail and ruin their futures and die alone and it'll all be my fault.
3. Carwash. Cars will explode the moment I touch their hoods. Also, I might drown in a bucket of soapwater. Don't ask me how.
4. Chores. I tried to ask my mom if she'd be willing to pay me to do house chores like cleaning windows, giving our imaginary pet dragon a bath, making the garden look like a garden, etc. She told me to cook my own food or pay her to do it. Point taken. Obviously, she doesn't like the idea.
5. Work at McD's. This is the most decent idea I have but I easily get confused so I might mess up orders and stuff. So maybe this isn't really my most decent idea.

So... is there any hope for me to earn money?

Lesson for the day: When writing a story in first person, avoid using phrases like "beads of sweat" or something equally fancy-sounding because no one says that in real life. Unless you're just that kind of person then go ahead.

happy personnels' day!

I am posting this a day late because I am a lazy person.

We celebrated Personnels' Day yesterday. On Personnels' Day, we're supposed to show our appreciation for our teachers and janitors and other personnel. So the whole student body organized a program that lasted half a day. The merry part took place in the morning, then we had our classes in the afternoon.

But because we are lazy students who don't want to study, we stalled the lessons by singing to the teacher-in-charge. Then we sang happy birthday for no reason to all the teachers who passed by. We were left with 10 minutes of lesson time.

And because all my posts are incoherent, I'll try to be consistent with my incoherency and post my PD letters to our adviser and two co-ads.

My letter to our adviser who is also our English teacher:

Hi (insert name of adviser)!
HAPPY PERSONNELS' DAY!
(Did I spell personnel right?)
I made a haiku for you!


     Roses are red and
     This piece of post-it is green
     Flying ninja men


...
I tried.


-Ross




My letter to our co-ad/Rel teacher:


Hi (insert name of co-ad)!
HAPPY PERSONNELS' DAY!
Thank you for not punishing me for making FiSH magazine models gay.

MMM. SCHMEXY.

You're a good person.


-Ross




My letter for our other co-ad/Algebra teacher:

Hi (insert name of other co-ad)!
HAPPY PERSONNELS' DAY!
I drew you a photo:

See? It's a photo of you and a bald version of Nix!

-Ross

Lesson for the day: Songs are very long.

my leg is beautifully silver

Last week, I bought a lot of unnecessary school stuff from NBS. I bought 4 whiteboard markers, two rolls of tape, a super Sharpie twin tip, a silver Sharpie, and lots of scented paper and mini notebooks I didn't really need. 

I used the Sharpies to make fake tattoos and vandalize the cubicle doors at school. I brought them with me almost everywhere I went. I bonded with them and I hoped they would last at least a month or two.

But just the other day, my silver Sharpie dried up. I rarely get to go out so it would be a long time before I could buy another one. So I tried to bring it back to life. I tried shaking it, throwing it, stabbing people with it, but nothing worked. So I sought advice from Google. 

I didn't want to cut the tip or wet it with water/alcohol/oil lest I permanently damage it so I tried the tie-it-to-a-string-then-spin-it-over-your-head-for-a-few-seconds method 'cause the one who suggested this mentioned something about centrifugal force (no idea what that is) so I thought it must work. But since I was too lazy to get string at the time, I used my school tie instead and taped it to the end of the marker then spun it over my head for twenty seconds. I think I went overboard with the centrifugal force thingy because instead of wetting the tip, most of the ink just ended up in the cap. And because I was being stupid, I forgot about the ink in the cap and held it over my shorts while testing the Sharpie. After three minutes, I had a huge silver spot on my shorts and a bigger silver smudge on my leg. I tried rubbing it off but the stain just spread so I gave up on it. 

THE TIP WAS STILL DRY.

So since the centrithingy force didn't work, I tried to cut a tiny part of the tip off. Still didn't work. I tried to wet it with water, then alcohol, then oil.

Sadly, the marker still doesn't work.

Lesson learned: Sharpies are not meant to be resurrected.

monica's puzzles

Disclaimer: No stick dogs were harmed in the writing of this post.

The other day, we had a forum thing for our exposure trip next week. It was held in one of the very few air conditioned rooms in the school. Naturally, the thought of a cold room brought me a sense of comfort and a bit of eagerness to go to the forum. I was willing to sit through 3 hours of pure boredom for the cold. You see, in the classroom, I sit in a place no electric fan could reach so 3 hours of cold is like a ray of golden sunshine. Except it's cold.

Dark blue lines show the areas that are blessed with the gift of the electric fan.

So imagine my frustration when I found out that oh, hey, THERE'S NO ELECTRICITY.

Turns out, the power's been out for the past two classes but I didn't notice because of my location in the classroom.

To make things worse, our boring Social Studies teacher was the one giving the forum. He has a dragging voice that can lull anybody to sleep in less than 10 minutes.

No electricity + no mic + boring Soc Sci teacher = sleepy me. (Well, it's not really just me.)

I would've been bored out of my mind to the point of insanity if not for my seatmate, Monica. Yeah... we weren't (still aren't btw) close so at first it was a bit awkward. But we got to talk about our childhood games and she told me about the puzzles/brain teasers her dad used to make her solve. We were working on the puzzles for 3 hours. It was crazy fun. (But again, I am shallow and I was willing to do anything to distract myself from the forum.)

My favorite puzzle included a dog and some toothpicks (teethpick?). But of course, we didn't use actual toothpicks.

This is the toothpick dog:

I was supposed to make him turn around and face the right by moving only 2 toothpicks.

My first attempt:

She said it was wrong and that the tail had to be up. So I told her the dog got mad when I forced it to turn the other way. She told me the dog's just a drawing and so it doesn't feel. I accused her of animal cruelty.

My second attempt:

I added a female dog and made her bark (move 1) then wave (move 2) to try to seduce the dog to turn around.

So Monica told me that I wasn't allowed to add anything. I told her she didn't understand love.

So since the dog was a total snob to my totally hot dog drawing, I decided it was gay. Or a bitch (HEHE SEE WHAT I DID THERE?).

My third attempt:

With the help of science and genetics, I was able to come up with a brilliant solution.I mutated the dog to grow two heads. One facing the right, one facing the left. But like every other good thing, there's a price. The dog had to lose its feet. Three of them.

Monica stared at me for a few moments before responding.Then she accused me of animal cruelty. All she was asking me to do was make it turn around, but I injured it and caused irreversible damage. For the sake of science!!

After some time, I ran out of possible explanations for the weird shapes I formed with the lines and I gave up.

The correct answer

Cute. Very cute.

Afterwards, I felt so stupid.



Lesson learned: Dogs are useful in math.












Some more puzzles:

Trace over all the points in four lines
(4 moves) that do not curve

Pretend it's a dustpan with, er... dust.
Take out the dust by moving only 2 sticks.
You're not allowed to touch the dirt.

PS: If I screwed up my grammar/spelling/pronunciation (because I am the voice in your head and you can hear me say poignant) more than once, frogive (<-intentional) me for it's midnight and I'm barely awake.

I just realized..

It's February! The month of love! The month that makes single people feel like crap! I'm using too much exclamation points! But who cares! It's fun!

Ahem. Anyway. As I said, it's the month of love. (That word makes me cringe for some reason.) For TLE this quarter, we're studying boy-girl relationships. And I'm not kidding. We have a whole chapter in our book that's dedicated to love, relationships, dating, and parenting (WTF). (Yes, parenting. I guess they're expecting us to get pregnant the moment we graduate from high school.) The book defined love. And we're probably expected to memorize the definitions for the exams. (Yes, they're going to give us an exam on love. And it's going to be graded.)

Our teacher made a special true or false "Test for Young Lovers" that would make anyone taking it go all "what the fuck is this shit" in his/her mind. Most of the questions are opinion-based but, given my past experiences with TLE tests, I expect that there would be right and wrong opinions. (Yes, our teacher is just that stupid.)

Premarital sex is acceptable if the lovers really do care for each other.
Love cannot be studied because it focuses more on emotions rather than skills.


THEN WHAT IS YOUR POINT IN TEACHING US ABOUT LOVE THEN?

I literally starting banging my head on my desk after the third question.

But the stupidity does not stop there. She required us to make a list of qualities boys like in girls and vice-versa. How the heck are we supposed to know what boys like in girls? We barely get to interact with the male population. And when we were done with the qualities girls found attractive in guys, she asked us: "Do you think that is true love?" ._.

WE ARE MOTHERFRIGGIN TEENAGERS, WOMAN. WE DO NOT THINK ABOUT TRUE LOVE AT THIS AGE.


But as usual, I have no idea where I'm going with this post so I'll just tell you about our homework.

We were supposed to give a list of qualities we found attractive in guys. She told us to be as specific as we could. We could even include a photo. As usual, I didn't take it seriously and used my mathletic hunky dude's photo and gave very specific details because that's what she asked for.

My homework:

WANT TO BE MY (BOY)FRIEND?(Application form at the back)
(back part)
- must have catapultic (made it up) upper body strength
- must be able to throw a ball 144 ft up in the air
- must have a fake tan
- must have blond hair with superhuman powers
- must have a fan club
- must own a blimp
- must know the first thirty digits of pi
- must know how to make pie
- must be able to speak Russian
- must be able to speak Japanese
- must be able to understand Lady Rainicorn
- must be able to speak English 
- must be able to speak English with a British accent
- not gay
- not freaked out by the fact that I have a checklist for this thing

* Apply only if all boxes have been checked. If not, then GTFO and don't waste my time.

Mmm. Schmexy.

She had me explain my homework in front of the class, which was humiliating. Then when I finished, she asked me what "GTFO" meant. So I told her it meant Great The French Onion. Sucker believed me.



Lesson learned: A lot of people in my class don't watch Adventure Time. 

something I will most likely regret writing in the future

I have been tagged by Althea to answer this, er.. blog.. thing. So in this post, I shall bare bits of my soul to the vast and wide internet. I may or may not look back on this post in the future and say "shit did I really write that?" But hey I'm still in the present and as of the moment, I do not give a fuck.

The Rules

1) post these rules.
2) post 11 random things about yourself.
3) answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.
4) create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
5) go to their blog and tell them they've been tagged.
6) no cop-outs in the tagging section like “if you are reading this/follow me,” blah blah blah. you have to legitimately tag people.


11 Things you probably don't really want to know about me but I'll tell you anyway 'cause I am "doing homework"

1. I always put my hair in a bun to prevent it from strangling people within a 12-inch range.

2. I own only... three pairs of jeans.

3. My skirt's hemline is composed mainly of safety pins.

4. I like writing on my hand. A lot of adults chastise me for this habit. They don't understand self-expression and the idea of saving trees. Shame.

5. I bought a small-ish notebook which can fit in my pocket and named it "My Hand" so I won't have to write on my hand anymore.

6. I feel a strong urge to smile/laugh at the most inappropriate times. Then I get into more trouble.

7. I'm one of the very few people who still say "hoodwink" and "Egad."

8. I have a weird habit of biting/nibbling technology. I'm nibbling my earphones as we speak (type).

9. I want to dye my hair bright blue/green/pink but it would be horrible with my skin tone. Such a sad life.

10. People terrify me. As a result, I can only talk to people through Facebook/online. Sad.

11. I don't know anyone from the opposite sex who I'm not related to by blood. Forever alone ;_;

Now I shall answer Althea's questions!

1. Blue cheese? Yay or Nay?
I had to Google blue cheese to check if I had the right idea of what it is. I remember trying a tiny bit as a child and thinking "they're saying it tastes like mold and oh hey--it does but what the heck it's expensive so I guess I'll enjoy it." I remember sincerely enjoying it and being called weird and gross. But c'mon! Who doesn't like the taste of moldy armpits and the aroma of BO? Yay!

2. What is your favourite species of tree?
I don't really know that many. The only ones I can think of right now are narra, palm, and maple. And of course the other fruit trees. Like marijuana, pineapple, and corn trees because they totally exist and marijuana is obviously a fruit. But my favorite would be... maple. 'Cause 'ya know. Maple syrup. The flag of Canada. And the leaves are pretty. That is not a shallow reason, no.

3. Kindle or good-old books?
Good ol' books! I like sniffing old and yellowing books. Provided there aren't any visible insects and spider webs between the pages.

4. What would you do if zombies attacked and what would be your weapon of choice?
If zombies attacked, I would defend my country! Loljk no EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF. I'd fight with only my razor sharp wit. And by razor sharp, I actually meant dangerously blunt. But I'm pretty sure they'd have the same effect.

5. Afro or Mohawk?

Mohawk. Definitely.

This is what a Mohawk looks like, right?

6. What is your guilty pleasure song?
It goes all weeeeeeeeeeeeeeew bgkshhhhhkkk wub wub wub OH MY GOD!!! Yes, It's Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites by Skrillex.

7. What would the world be like if apes ruled it?
Probably the same way it would be like if I ruled it. I am one with my monkey friends.

8. What is your favourite kind of hat?
I don't wear hats. But I would like to own a big one with a feather stuck in the side. Then I'll wear a black cape with it and ride around town on a black horse shouting "I am Zorro!" Because my horse is so talented it can shout that it is Zorro.

9. Mario or Luigi?
Mario! Luigi is way too thin.

10. How many videos (before DVDs) do you still have?
I'll assume by videos you mean tapes. We have... 16. Too bad we don't have a VHS player anymore.

11. Can you lick your elbow?
Well... I can try.




And because I am a badass rebel, I won't tag people. Loljk I don't have 11 people to tag HEHE. (Also because I'm terribly shy.) But you're free to answer the questions if you want! (I'm sorry. I'm horrible at this thing.)


1. What is your weirdest habit?
2. Do you do yoga in your sleep? 'Cause I do. And that is normal-ish.
3. What was the scariest movie you've ever seen?
4. What is your favorite curse/"bad word"? Can range from !@#$ - motherfucker - poop - holy bag of feces - golly - Egad. 
5. Favorite band?
6. Can your tongue do yoga? I know God's tongue can.
7. Do you keep a not-internet diary?
8. Best video/animation/stop-motion-thing? (I know these questions are lame. Bear with me. 3 more to go.)
9. Do you tweet/tumble/some other shit I'm too outdated to know of? (HEHE if you do, GIMME THE LINK SO I CAN STALK YOU. Er--I mean admire your profile.)
10. Do you ever think about the pandas in Belgium? (Because the children in Africa are too mainstream and Belgium is swarming with pandas.)
11. I'm out of questions damnit. What is your favorite color? What is its wavelength?

naked muscle men and algebra

Finally our teacher has decided to reveal to us the answer to yesterday's mystery.

But I'll be an ass and make you wait 'til the end of the post to know the answer. After all, she made us wait three classes.

(Yes, we had three Algebra classes today. It wasn't very fun.)

Our math teacher. She's lucky she's old and cute.

She asked us several questions to try to clarify some things. But no one saw what was practical in throwing a ball from a 144 ft. building (It could hurt someone. It should be illegal.) and no one knew how to illustrate it.

She gave us two more questions:
d) When will the ball hit the ground?
e) Graph. (Not a question, I know)

This is what I came up with:

Then when some of us were done graphing, she said she wanted to see the building in the graph. So I did this:

And then she asked two students where they think the building should be. She drew a building on the board and my two classmates drew the axes in different locations. Then she had us arguing about the fucking axes for the rest of the period. On the second period, she finally gave us the correct graph.

But of course the ball doesn't just stop in mid-air. That would be sorcery.

But the point is (hehe bad pun) the origin should be on the top of the building. Not the ground. And to get the time it takes for the ball to hit the ground, use -144 for H.

How the person was able to throw the ball 144 ft up in the air, I have no idea.

But I'm pretty sure we do need yesterday's naked hunky dude with a fake tan and blond hair with superhuman powers for this job.

Lesson learned: If hit by a ball near a 144 ft. building, look up for naked madman throwing balls. Yes. I know. It sounds wrong.

This is our teacher, pelting my friend with bits of chalk to help us visualize the trajectory thing.
SHE'S SO CUTE.
And yes, she really did this.

math, 144 ft buildings, magic balls, and open manholes

Today we were discussing the magical bouncy properties of magical bouncy balls and breaking some of the laws of physics.

And by that I mean we were discussing quadratic functions practical-applications-word-problem-stuff.

The problem:

A ball is thrown from the top of a 144 ft. building. The ball follows a trajectory. The height (in ft.) reached by the ball after t seconds is given by the QF H(t) = 96t - 16t2
a) How high did the ball reach?
b) How long did it take to reach that height?
c) Where is the ball after 5 seconds?


This is the practical-applications-word-problem-thing. Because throwing a ball from a 144 ft. building is totally practical.

I'm okay at quadratic functions, but add a building, a bouncy ball, and a stupid person in the equation (hehe see what I did there?) and my brain becomes a puddle of liquefied crap. Mushy, gross, and useless.

Anyway. If you convert the equation from the general form to the vertex form, you'll get -16 (t - 3)2 +144 which means the ball will be 144 ft in the air at 3 seconds if thrown from the ground.

Which is impossible unless the ball is thrown by a naked, hunky dude with a fake tan and blond hair with superhuman powers. Yes, the blond hair has superhuman powers.

NAKED HUNKY DUDE HOLDING A BALL OMG.

But since the problem said the ball was thrown from the top of a 144 ft. building, it was thrown from the top of a 144 ft. building--not from the ground. (So there's no need for the naked hunky dude. Sad face.)

 So since the maximum value is 144, I answered 144 ft. for question A. And since the ball was already at 144 ft., I answered 0 seconds for B.

Now question C is the bitchy question.

If I'm correct (which I'm probably not), the ball hits the ground after 3 seconds. After the ball hits the ground, of course, it will bounce. And the parabola for the next bounce will obviously be a different equation.

Unless...

Now that is creative thinking.

But as I've predicted, I was wrong in the first two questions so my awesome open-manhole theory is also wrong and that is sad. And because our Algebra teacher is old and has the wrong idea of what we think is "fun" and "suspenseful", she gave the last part as a homework. She told us to really think about the problem. To pay attention to details or something like that. She thought the "suspense" would motivate us to take this thing seriously. We're all just hoping that the dude holding the ball falls. Now that is suspense.

And if any of you are in QC/Metro Manila today or tomorrow (Haha fat chance), you can go to the Bandfest! COME ON I NEED TO SELL THE FUDGING TICKETS AND IT'S GOING TO BE AWESOME 'CAUSE IT'S CALLED "FIAT LUX" AND DOESN'T THAT JUST SOUND AWESOME. Here's a trailer thing. You could choose to not watch it, but you'll miss 1/576 465 819 of your life. It has never before seen text from Genesis.

Apparently, God said "Bandfest like you've never seen before." Must read the Bible more.

COME ON BUY MY TICKETS. IT'S FOR GAWAD KALINGA AND SEFI. THINK OF THE POOR PEOPLE OF MY POOR COUNTRY.



Lesson learned: Muscle-y people who have magic blond hair are automatically good at physics and math. Also, Ctrl+B would make your font bold.